Today we have a feature in Inspired section of The Daily Mail. Its meant to be a positive and truthful piece about being a mum at 50 and how bloody hard it really is whatever age you are and whatever background you come from. It's been a dream come true and equally the most exhausting time of my life, which was the whole point of this article.

Interestingly there was originally just 2 of us old-er mum's, then they found 4, so cut our story down a lot. It seems more women over 45 are becoming mothers for the first time, our world is changing dramatically. There is no normal type casting anymore.

3 women of which had IVF treatment in European countries. 

I started to read the online comments, but gave up after the 125th vile cruel typically Daily Mail readership trolls, who clearly had not read the article properly. I went into a mild depression after this came out. But this lasted a day! I'm not that kind of person who actually gives a fuck what idiots think. 

We are all good strong and strangely energetic women and now mothers in this article, and yes, all of a certain mature age. I do not have any genetic issues that I have passed down because I am too old, I had been screened and cleared of such things before this process started. I am not a selfish mother, but a women who has struggled to have a family during my 50 years on earth, and against ALL ODDS, even after a full term stillbirth, I did it in the end. I have been happy to give up alot of things since having my baby. She comes first now, there is no me. My little girl is a very happy child, not sad, incredibly healthy and robust, not poorly looking!  I have a lifetime of unique and wonderful experiences to pass on to her, I have more patience and time to give now, than when I was younger.
We as a couple are not rich in any material capacity,  we now live on one income like everyone else. Nor do we have a ton of help, we have had no help, the article clearly says that there were times I wanted to just die with the exhaustion of it all. Yes, it is sad she will not know her grandparents, my husbands did pass away young, my parents are not worth knowing and is a blessing they are not around, but she enjoys many many of our friends who are all ages. I have no au pairs or nannies, and we can just about afford two mornings a week nursery fees, we have brought Amélie up on our own I have taken her out nearly every day of her short life, to many places of interest, meeting many people of interest. The result of this is she is growing into a beautiful balanced, well mannered toddler, full of character, curiosity and opinions, which is actually rare to say.

The biggest criticism was what if we die soon? She will not know who her parents are. Im sorry, but I have known many parents who died younger than I am now. Who started their families in their 20s, 30's and had sadly passed away before they reached 50. This breaks me every time I hear this, or attend another funeral of someone I know who has left their children. If I make 80, which most of my family have, I would have had a good 30 years with my daughter. 

If she is embarrassed about having old parents during her teenage school days, well, isn't every parent an embarrassment when kids are that age, even famous film pop rock TV stars endure that. Please, you great british public, we will be fine! 

Photos Ki Price. 

When the devourer enters your gate
And the angel of death comes through your door
Whilst you sleep it snatches your child away
What is left is just a husk
A reminder of the joy and laughter that filled your home
Now just a whisper, a vapor of mist

The sting of death
The stench of shame that consumes you
As a parent you should keep your child alive
Healthy, Safe, Protected and loved

Friends alienate you....
You're a bad parent
You killed your baby
You failed as a mother, father
The idiot pastor says, you didn't have enough faith!
Your closest allies say it wasn't this or that
But keep away from me and my children incase they die too 

Who's to blame for the cold stiff body that you've been holding now for hours
Begging God to breathe life back into your child
His lips have turned purple now
The coroner is here to remove "the body"
Days go by in a blur of tears and aching
The devourer hasn't left yet
You have to identify "the body"
Everyone is too afraid to say his name (Malakai, Malakai, Malakai)
Your rent hasn't been paid
You've used it to keep your child's body out of the stifled, crowded state mortuary
Everything that could have gone wrong has turned to shit

God's not saying anything
I'm hearing his cries and smelling his clothes
He's appearing to me in broad daylight
The shame slowly starts to fade
The devourer has departed

The thumb is spot on
A lot of people miss this part
It was unusual to have four distinctive parts
In a newborn's hand 

To me, she feels grown up 
An adults hand 
Wiping away old cremation ash
Letting in new vibrant colour
Which is what her memory has given us all
As her life continues to radiate beyond the stars.
 
MamaMear